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Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship
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<blockquote data-quote="Gönül sızım" data-source="post: 84308" data-attributes="member: 1049"><p><img src="https://cdn.muslimmatters.org/wp-content/uploads/shutterstock_158775371-300x200.jpg?9d6e1a" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p><strong>Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship and Move on With Your Life...</strong></p><p><span style="color: Black">You're probably thinking that getting over a relationship can't be as easy as people make it sound. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Especially since şeytan spends his days and nights trying to make the forbidden so beloved to you. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">He convinces you that lust is love as he makes your heart skip a beat when you see that special person's name – in your email, on your phone, </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">or on your Facebook account.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">But believe me when I tell you that you're stronger than that. Move on, work on pleasing Allah, and you will have no regrets. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">But just to make things easy for you, here are 21 practical steps you can take to get over that haram relationship, divided up into seven categories:</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>1. End the Relationship .....</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Enough with the games already. Stop dipping your toes in the water and jump in. If you think you're going to try to “downgrade” the relationship a little bit, </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">then forget it. Someone asking for advice once said that he thought it would be a good idea that instead of hanging out as often they would just talk on the phone</span></p><p> <span style="color: Black">and meet for coffee every once in a while. It simply doesn't work. Stopping cold turkey is the first step. In fact, it's the only real step that you have to take. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">The rest of what I'm going to share is simply how to manage yourself after you take that step.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>2. Don't Keep them Hanging On</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">This is not the time to make a deal. No putting thoughts in each others minds about “when the time is right”, or “let's revisit this if neither of us are married by the time we're 19.” They may try to do the same to you. Don't let it happen. This will make you both miserable, will make things harder, and will make it impossible to move on.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>3. Cut the Cord</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Delete all the emails, texts, Facebook messages, phone number, voice mails, and anything else you have that reminds you of that person. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Avoid situations where you will run into them as much as possible. Avoid talking to them in general, and definitely not without someone else present. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Don't try to find out what they're up to, and stop cyber-stalking them. So quit looking them up on Facebook, don't follow them on Twitter, </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">and knock off whatever other sneaky ways you have to find out what's going on in their lives.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>4. Tell Them it's Over… Like for Real</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">If you must have that last conversation to tell them you're moving on, then do it. Do it over email and keep it short, sweet, and not open ended by any interpretation. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Don't leave things for them to respond to. End by telling them it's something you have to do for the sake of Allah. And ask them not to contact you. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">The sooner you do this the better. If you're in the early stages then it's much easier to stop. Relationships progress and before you know it, </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">you could be in over your head, and it's not as easy to end it (though always doable).</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>Control Your Emotions</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>5. Turn the Radio Off</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">This is not a debate about the permissibility of music. One thing that's for sure though is that music will spark certain emotions when you're most vulnerable. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Every song will be about you two. Just lay off of it for a bit and give yourself some time off.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>6. Stop Wondering</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Don't keep wondering if they're thinking about you, and don't give them the opportunity to let you know that they are. Let other, more important things occupy your thoughts. Don't allocate an hour to stare at your ceiling before going to bed. Read a book instead. Assume they're doing fine without you, and hopefully they'll assume the same about you. Keep your dignity.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>7. Know They Were Never Right for You</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">If something starts off wrong it doesn't just become right with time. Realize that you never really loved them for the sake of Allah, no matter how much you thought </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">you did or what MSA event you met them at. You need something that started on the right foundation.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>8. Let it All Out</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Talk to Allah and tell Him how you feel – in whatever language you know how. Cry to Him if you want to. Do whatever you can to get closer to Him. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">So if you weren't already praying tahhajud every night, take some baby steps. Allah has an open door policy.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>9. Do What You Love</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Do things that you actually enjoy doing. Yes, it's critical to do acts of worship, but also do things that you really love to do. Play sports, go hiking, head to the driving range, watch a movie. Fill your time with things that will engage and fulfill you – and keep your mind from being where it doesn't need to be.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>10. Quit Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Let your love of Allah fill your heart. There is a fulfillment that you will never get from people that only the Most Merciful can fulfill. Know that He has always taken care of you when you had nowhere else to turn to. Ask for His forgiveness and put your trust in Him. He will not neglect you. And don't be afraid to be alone sometimes… just you and your Creator.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>11. Make du'a' for Something Better</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">You know the story of Umm Salamah whose amazing sahabi husband passed away, she made du'a' for something better and ended up marrying the Prophet . So know that Allah is the best of planners. And ask that He grant you someone who will bring you closer to Him and make you happy. Just live your life so that you deserve it. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">After the Prophet died, Ibn Abbas [ra] was said to increase in fasting and prayer. When others asked him why, he said</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">“I want to get married, and I read the verse: 'Pure women are for the pure men, and pure men are for the pure women.'” (Qur'an 24:26)</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>12. Follow Up with a Good Deed</strong>“Verily the good deeds erase evil deeds.” (Qur'an 11:114)</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">So you feel like you slipped and messed up. Follow up with something good. Give charity. Pray at night while others are sleeping. Feed the hungry. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Fast some extra days. Just be thankful that Allah saved you from something that could have gotten worse. He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>Let's be Rational</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>13. Stop Dreaming about Marriage</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">People spend way too much of their youth thinking about marriage. It's even a phenomenon with religious youth – actually, maybe even more so with them since they'd rather think of marriage than something haram. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Allah says:</span></p><p><span style="color: Black">“Let them who find not the means for marriage remain chaste until Allah gives them means by His grace.” (Qur'an 24:33) </span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>14. Take Time to Evaluate</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Evaluate what really makes sense in your life with regards to marriage. Is it really the right time for you? If not, is that time soon? Are there things you have to </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">accomplish before you're ready? Get the advice of good, righteous, and knowledgeable people to help evaluate. Use this time to develop your relationship with your parents. Get their take on things as well and talk to them about how you feel. You'll get great insight and build a stronger relationship with them.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>15. Know that This Too Shall Pass</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">One of my teachers once told me that all things in life start small and grow, except for the calamity, which starts big and only becomes smaller. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">You'll get over this with time. You'll look back and wonder what your problem was and why it was such a big deal at the time. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">And know that leaving what is haram will only make your marriage stronger when you do find the right one by the grace of Allah.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>16. Rediscover Yourself</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Discover your talents. Get into things that you've always wanted to try but didn't. Develop your skills in something you enjoy. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Take time to do things that will be tough to do once you get married and have less time for yourself.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>17. Do Things to Feel Good About Yourself</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Take care of yourself in these tough times – your mind, body, and soul. Read a book, study hard for your classes, eat healthy, get exercise, drink a lot of water, dress nicely, listen and read more Qur'an, listen to a good lecture, volunteer at an Islamic function… basically, anything and everything that normally makes you feel like you've accomplished something good. Be kind to yourself.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>18. Learn About True Love</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Learn about what halal love really is. And yes, it exists. It's not what you think and it's not how Hollywood portrays it. Real, halal love is the Prophet crying when he saw the necklace of Khadijah long after her death. It's when she supported him when the whole world turned its back on him. It's wanting your spouse to do good so you can spend eternity in paradise together. It's not meeting a girl at a party and killing yourself because you can't be with her (sorry Shakespeare). </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Learn what true love really means and you'll get over any haram relationship real quick..</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>19. Get a Role Model</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Hang out with and talk to respectable young, religious, happily married people. Get their advice and use them as an example for yourself in your life. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">They will help put things in perspective for you. Ask about their stories of how they got married. Ask them for advice and learn from them.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>20. Lean on Your Friends</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">That's what friends are for. Now you finally have an opportunity to develop stronger bonds with your brothers and sisters (brothers with brothers and sisters with sisters of course, or you missed the whole point of the article). It will be much easier now to spend time with them and make each other better people. You won't always have this luxury.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><strong>21. Be Among the Righteous</strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Be with people who you know would not want you to be in that haram relationship. The friend who tells you you're a fool for cutting things off is the one you want to avoid for a while. If one or more of your righteous friends knew about the haram relationship you were in, then talk to them and let them know you're moving on.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black">It's a good way to encourage yourself, and insha'Allah they will encourage you. If they didn't know about it, no need to make confessions. </span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Just enjoy your time with them because it will make you a better person.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">I ask that Allah make us all strong. That He strengthens the marriages of those in our ummah, and keep us away from all that is displeasing to Him.</span></p><p> <span style="color: Black"></span></p><p></p><p><img src="/ifadeler/gulqx.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt="acilangul1" title="acangul acilangul1" data-shortname="acilangul1" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gönül sızım, post: 84308, member: 1049"] [IMG]https://cdn.muslimmatters.org/wp-content/uploads/shutterstock_158775371-300x200.jpg?9d6e1a[/IMG] [B]Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship and Move on With Your Life...[/B] [COLOR="Black"]You're probably thinking that getting over a relationship can't be as easy as people make it sound. Especially since şeytan spends his days and nights trying to make the forbidden so beloved to you. He convinces you that lust is love as he makes your heart skip a beat when you see that special person's name – in your email, on your phone, or on your Facebook account. But believe me when I tell you that you're stronger than that. Move on, work on pleasing Allah, and you will have no regrets. But just to make things easy for you, here are 21 practical steps you can take to get over that haram relationship, divided up into seven categories: [B]1. End the Relationship .....[/B] Enough with the games already. Stop dipping your toes in the water and jump in. If you think you're going to try to “downgrade” the relationship a little bit, then forget it. Someone asking for advice once said that he thought it would be a good idea that instead of hanging out as often they would just talk on the phone and meet for coffee every once in a while. It simply doesn't work. Stopping cold turkey is the first step. In fact, it's the only real step that you have to take. The rest of what I'm going to share is simply how to manage yourself after you take that step. [B]2. Don't Keep them Hanging On[/B] This is not the time to make a deal. No putting thoughts in each others minds about “when the time is right”, or “let's revisit this if neither of us are married by the time we're 19.” They may try to do the same to you. Don't let it happen. This will make you both miserable, will make things harder, and will make it impossible to move on. [B]3. Cut the Cord[/B] Delete all the emails, texts, Facebook messages, phone number, voice mails, and anything else you have that reminds you of that person. Avoid situations where you will run into them as much as possible. Avoid talking to them in general, and definitely not without someone else present. Don't try to find out what they're up to, and stop cyber-stalking them. So quit looking them up on Facebook, don't follow them on Twitter, and knock off whatever other sneaky ways you have to find out what's going on in their lives. [B]4. Tell Them it's Over… Like for Real[/B] If you must have that last conversation to tell them you're moving on, then do it. Do it over email and keep it short, sweet, and not open ended by any interpretation. Don't leave things for them to respond to. End by telling them it's something you have to do for the sake of Allah. And ask them not to contact you. The sooner you do this the better. If you're in the early stages then it's much easier to stop. Relationships progress and before you know it, you could be in over your head, and it's not as easy to end it (though always doable). [B]Control Your Emotions[/B] [B]5. Turn the Radio Off[/B] This is not a debate about the permissibility of music. One thing that's for sure though is that music will spark certain emotions when you're most vulnerable. Every song will be about you two. Just lay off of it for a bit and give yourself some time off. [B]6. Stop Wondering[/B] Don't keep wondering if they're thinking about you, and don't give them the opportunity to let you know that they are. Let other, more important things occupy your thoughts. Don't allocate an hour to stare at your ceiling before going to bed. Read a book instead. Assume they're doing fine without you, and hopefully they'll assume the same about you. Keep your dignity. [B]7. Know They Were Never Right for You[/B] If something starts off wrong it doesn't just become right with time. Realize that you never really loved them for the sake of Allah, no matter how much you thought you did or what MSA event you met them at. You need something that started on the right foundation. [B]8. Let it All Out[/B] Talk to Allah and tell Him how you feel – in whatever language you know how. Cry to Him if you want to. Do whatever you can to get closer to Him. So if you weren't already praying tahhajud every night, take some baby steps. Allah has an open door policy. [B] 9. Do What You Love[/B] Do things that you actually enjoy doing. Yes, it's critical to do acts of worship, but also do things that you really love to do. Play sports, go hiking, head to the driving range, watch a movie. Fill your time with things that will engage and fulfill you – and keep your mind from being where it doesn't need to be. [B]10. Quit Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places[/B] Let your love of Allah fill your heart. There is a fulfillment that you will never get from people that only the Most Merciful can fulfill. Know that He has always taken care of you when you had nowhere else to turn to. Ask for His forgiveness and put your trust in Him. He will not neglect you. And don't be afraid to be alone sometimes… just you and your Creator. [B]11. Make du'a' for Something Better[/B] You know the story of Umm Salamah whose amazing sahabi husband passed away, she made du'a' for something better and ended up marrying the Prophet . So know that Allah is the best of planners. And ask that He grant you someone who will bring you closer to Him and make you happy. Just live your life so that you deserve it. After the Prophet died, Ibn Abbas [ra] was said to increase in fasting and prayer. When others asked him why, he said “I want to get married, and I read the verse: 'Pure women are for the pure men, and pure men are for the pure women.'” (Qur'an 24:26) [B]12. Follow Up with a Good Deed[/B]“Verily the good deeds erase evil deeds.” (Qur'an 11:114) So you feel like you slipped and messed up. Follow up with something good. Give charity. Pray at night while others are sleeping. Feed the hungry. Fast some extra days. Just be thankful that Allah saved you from something that could have gotten worse. He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful. [B]Let's be Rational[/B] [B]13. Stop Dreaming about Marriage[/B] People spend way too much of their youth thinking about marriage. It's even a phenomenon with religious youth – actually, maybe even more so with them since they'd rather think of marriage than something haram. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Allah says: “Let them who find not the means for marriage remain chaste until Allah gives them means by His grace.” (Qur'an 24:33) [B]14. Take Time to Evaluate[/B] Evaluate what really makes sense in your life with regards to marriage. Is it really the right time for you? If not, is that time soon? Are there things you have to accomplish before you're ready? Get the advice of good, righteous, and knowledgeable people to help evaluate. Use this time to develop your relationship with your parents. Get their take on things as well and talk to them about how you feel. You'll get great insight and build a stronger relationship with them. [B]15. Know that This Too Shall Pass[/B] One of my teachers once told me that all things in life start small and grow, except for the calamity, which starts big and only becomes smaller. You'll get over this with time. You'll look back and wonder what your problem was and why it was such a big deal at the time. And know that leaving what is haram will only make your marriage stronger when you do find the right one by the grace of Allah. [B]16. Rediscover Yourself[/B] Discover your talents. Get into things that you've always wanted to try but didn't. Develop your skills in something you enjoy. Take time to do things that will be tough to do once you get married and have less time for yourself. [B]17. Do Things to Feel Good About Yourself[/B] Take care of yourself in these tough times – your mind, body, and soul. Read a book, study hard for your classes, eat healthy, get exercise, drink a lot of water, dress nicely, listen and read more Qur'an, listen to a good lecture, volunteer at an Islamic function… basically, anything and everything that normally makes you feel like you've accomplished something good. Be kind to yourself. [B] 18. Learn About True Love[/B] Learn about what halal love really is. And yes, it exists. It's not what you think and it's not how Hollywood portrays it. Real, halal love is the Prophet crying when he saw the necklace of Khadijah long after her death. It's when she supported him when the whole world turned its back on him. It's wanting your spouse to do good so you can spend eternity in paradise together. It's not meeting a girl at a party and killing yourself because you can't be with her (sorry Shakespeare). Learn what true love really means and you'll get over any haram relationship real quick.. [B]19. Get a Role Model[/B] Hang out with and talk to respectable young, religious, happily married people. Get their advice and use them as an example for yourself in your life. They will help put things in perspective for you. Ask about their stories of how they got married. Ask them for advice and learn from them. [B]20. Lean on Your Friends[/B] That's what friends are for. Now you finally have an opportunity to develop stronger bonds with your brothers and sisters (brothers with brothers and sisters with sisters of course, or you missed the whole point of the article). It will be much easier now to spend time with them and make each other better people. You won't always have this luxury. [B]21. Be Among the Righteous[/B] Be with people who you know would not want you to be in that haram relationship. The friend who tells you you're a fool for cutting things off is the one you want to avoid for a while. If one or more of your righteous friends knew about the haram relationship you were in, then talk to them and let them know you're moving on. It's a good way to encourage yourself, and insha'Allah they will encourage you. If they didn't know about it, no need to make confessions. Just enjoy your time with them because it will make you a better person. I ask that Allah make us all strong. That He strengthens the marriages of those in our ummah, and keep us away from all that is displeasing to Him. [/COLOR] acilangul1 [/QUOTE]
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